October 9th, 2005
Journal
November 18, 2005
I wish I could take Lukas’s pain away. He is such a wonderful man, but his stuttering prevents others from knowing him the way I do. I remember how we first met back in college; I had to be the one to approach him after class. He was so shy, and when he tried to speak to me, he was extremely dysfluent. Now that we are so comfortable around each other, his stuttering moments are not as bad around me.
To this day, Lukas is still plagued with social anxiety as he approaches people he does not know. He tells me that his heart begins to beat faster because he is worried about the reactions he will receive from someone new. One time he told me that he can see pity in people’s eyes, and this in turn causes him to feel overly unnerved. He is very leery to engage in social interactions. The first time he went to meet my parents, I remember what a wreck he was! Besides being nervous about meeting them, he was so worried that his communication abilities would cause my parents to feel uncomfortable. My parents love Lukas, but my father did say that the first day that they met, he had trouble watching Lukas as he struggled through his dysfluent moments. My father still sometimes tends to avert his eyes and not look at Lukas directly during conversation. I hate when he does that!
I wish that Lukas’s stuttering did not bother him… I wish others could see what a great person he is and not focus on the fact that he stutters. I wish Lukas could look past his stuttering too…
December 13, 2005
Planning our wedding has been one of joy and sorrow. Lukas is so apprehensive about reciting his vowels. He is also bothered about the thought of greeting family and friends. I pray that our wedding day next week will be remembered as blissful and not worrisome for Lukas.
The rehearsal dinner had some flukes… Lukas’s brother starting chanting, “Toast! Toast!” so Lukas reluctantly stood up with glass in hand. I could see the fear in his eyes and the sweat start to form on his brow. As he started his toast, he had a period of repetitions of the sound “t.” As I glanced around the table, many family and friends averted their eyes from Lukas’s by looking around the room or down at the floor. He was finally able to get past his dyfluent moment, but he quickly finished his sentence and sat down. Later that night, Lukas told me he was totally humiliated by his inability to effortlessly say exactly what he is thinking. He said, “I will never be able to forget how I ruined a toast that I wanted to be perfect for you.” My heart aches for him. I tell him that I love him for the person he is, and it does not matter to me if he stutters. Me telling him that doesn’t seem to matter. The social anxiety he has dealt with due to his stuttering is like a tumor, growing from childhood to adulthood, unable to be cut out. Maybe once I am married to Lukas, I can help him…. This is my prayer….
cstout1982
2. Audience: Fiancee of a stutterer (personal journal)
3. Say Back: The writer talks about her fiancee's anxiety about stuttering in public and how she hates the way people react to his stuttering. She wants people to see past it.
4. Bless: I like how descriptive the entries are. The details about the fear in Lukas's eyes and the sweat on his brow make it seem like this is a real person.
5.Address: I think these entries are very well thought out. The only thing that needs addressed are some typos. For example, "My parents love Lukas, but my father did say that they first day..."
nutter22
2. Audience: Other fiancees or wives of a stutterer
3. Say Back: The author is saying how nervous the client gets when he talks. He sweats and his "heart begins to beat faster". The author is saying that she wishes everyone could look past the client's stuttering and just see the wonderful man that she does.
4. Bless: I loved how touched I felt by the author's words after I read the journal entries. I really feel like I got a glimpse into the author's life and how she feels about her fiance. The detail that the author used to describe her fiance's actions was great. Things like "I could see the fear in his eyes and the sweat start to form on his brow" and "...he had a period of repetitions of the sound âtâ" made me feel like I was actually sitting there watching him give the toast. I can almost feel his pain when the author says, "...Lukas told me he was totally humiliated by his inability to effortlessly say exactly what he is thinking".
5. Address: I thought the journal entires were great. They let the reader in on how the fiance feels about her future husband's stuttering and what she does to console him. I did she a typo in the second entry, however. In the first paragraph, sentence beginning with "I pray that..." you need to add a word before the word "remembered". If you are wanting to get across how the fiancee is feeling, then you could maybe add some more about he feelings to the first entry.